Character+Addition+(Father)


 * Dan **

I know Donna sometimes blames herself for what happened to David though she won’t come right out and say so. Birthdays are especially difficult. Donna just throws herself into the party planning and decorating every year. That’s all she talks about all week. I know what she is doing. She is keeping herself busy so she won’t have time to have a pity party.

David’s birthday is hard for me too. I think about how much fun it would be to teach David how to play ball. David can’t do that now. He can hardly walk alone without falling. He has taken so many dings that now if we let him walk around the house; we put elbow and knee pads on him and a helmet on his head. There’s no sense in taking chances. I know God must have some plan for us and for David because David didn’t die that night, but it is difficult to think what that plan could be.

Dan **
 * 

I love David. I do. But it would mean so much to me if I could do the normal father/son activities with him. Danielle tries to fill that role for me. It seems she knows how much I long to be able to play ball with David like other fathers and sons. Danielle is a good daughter and I love that she is willing to hang out with her old man. Most teenagers would rather spend time shopping with friends and doing whatever else teenage girls like to do. She spends so much time helping us out that she sometimes misses out on teenage-girl stuff.

One thing I’m grateful for is our church and the Royal Ranger program. Our church has welcomed us, //all of us//, with open arms. And one of the best things about our church is that I get to be a part of the Royal Ranger program. I get to do activities with the other leaders and the boys like going camping and fishing. The boys enjoy the time and I get to make a difference in the lives of those boys. Even though I can’t do those activities with David, I know that I can do other activities with David. And I can make a difference for the other kids; kids that ride the bus to church—whose parents don’t care or who aren’t even around. So I guess there is a purpose, even when it doesn’t look like there is one.

 Sometimes I think about if David is able to think and understand. Sometimes I wonder if he is suffering—no parent wishes that for their kids. He’s not like the “normal” kids. Does he realize what he’s missing? Does he desire to be like other kids? Does he know how much he is different?
 * Dan **

I’m glad I have my son; I’m glad that we got him to the hospital when he was a baby—that the doctors and nurses were able to bring down his fever before it killed him. I love David but for David’s sake, I wonder if David would have been better off if God had allowed him to go to Heaven instead of keeping him alive only to for him to have to live a life that’s less than perfect. He can’t participate in so many things other boys can. What quality of life is there when, at the age of 17, can’t dress yourself or feed yourself without making a mess? I don’t think it’s a good quality of life to be treated as if you are a baby when you are clearly not a baby. Every parent wants what is best for their kids. Only, right now, I’m not sure if I know what would have been best for David.


 * Dan **

I’ve been struggling with my faith for a little while, something I’m afraid to tell Donna. She can’t know how much I’ve been struggling—I have to be strong for the family. I have to be the leader I know I’m supposed to be.

Pastor talks about how it only takes the faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains. I’ve prayed for David but nothing has happened. For just a brief moment, I’ve allowed myself to wonder if David’s mountain is just too big but I know that can’t be true. God can do anything. He’s God Almighty. The reason must be either I just don’t have enough faith to move David’s mountain or God is not allowing for David’s mountain to be moved.


 * Dan **

God has given me a vision. The vision was clear and even though I have dreamed about what God showed me in this vision I know this time there is no way it came from my imagination. At church Sunday night, God showed me in this vision that David was no longer handicapped. I saw David walking without falling. He was able to talk and he was thanking God for healing him. This vision is truly something I will cling to even if God does not heal him before we all get to Heaven. It is a glimmer of hope. When the tough gets going, I can always think of that vision and know that I do have a hope to cling too. Donna and I no longer need to try to carry this burden on our own; we do have a faith to cling too. I know now that there is a purpose for the struggle we have been going through. We are not alone.